dump?

This is a picture that I took a couple of summers ago. I had been driving past this artifact on the side of the road every day for about a week, when I finally pulled over and snapped a picture of it. It is not the greatest picture, but I think it represents so much of what our society has become and what so many people are currently working to redeem. 

"Buy. Take. Break. Throw it away." FIF - American Kryptonite

I love, LOVE!

On the day after Valentine's Day 2008 there was an IV (InterVarsity Christian Fellowship) large-group meeting. The boys in the group were really awesome and sweet and got carnations for all of the girls that were in attendance. 

It made me really happy. However, as the meeting dragged on and on I started to get bored. I wrote this poem, because I couldn't pay attention any longer.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

I love flowers.

I love Jesus, 

but I don't always show it to Him or people.

I wish that people 

everywhere

had the love in their lives 

that I do. 

I am a "love child."

Yup, my parents weren't married when I was born...

and they still aren't.

Oh well. 

I don't have A love in my life,

but I am loved.

Is it because I try to be 

what everyone wants me to be?

Or because Jesus is in me?

The 1st option is more likely.

I love flowers.

They smell nice.

Sometimes I have such feelings of love

for my friends,

family

pets

fellow man

that I want to BURST!

Like a few moments ago when I got

the flowers.

The feeling is dwindling now.

After sitting here for too long.

Getting bored, it's true.

But I still love you :)

Oh poetry. 

This semester I have started realizing that nearly all of the problems in my life, everything that has ever held me back and most of the mistakes I have made and regret are complete products of fear. The fear of the unknown, failure, criticism,  rejection...

Fear has even prevented me from going deeper in my relationship with the Lord. It prevents me from totally surrendering, because I don't know what will happen. Totally lame, I know, but at least I'm recognizing the problem now.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

God is love. He is on our side. What do we have to fear? When it comes to surrendering everything to Him, how can I be afraid? My life really could not be in better hands. There should be NO fear where God's perfect love resides. Yet I still struggle...

 

O, the BEAUTY of belonging

The past couple of days have been very strange for me. Basically, I've been acting like a complete crazy bitch.

SO. Yesterday I decided that I should spare everyone around me from my mood swings and I retreated to the beach to experience some solitude and hopefully gain back my sanity. 

In my attempt to understand why I've been acting and feeling so angry, I opened up my journal and started writing to God. Initially, I asked for forgiveness. But I did not feel forgiven. I was completely doubting the fact that Christ's sacrifice is enough to cover ALL of my mistakes. 

"Lord, forgive me. Again. Please reassure me that I am still yours"... is what I wrote. 

I thumbed through my Bible, wrote down some more thoughts and prayed, but mostly I tried to listen. Moment by moment the Lord began to cast away my doubts. (Doubt has been a recurring theme in my life this year, it is super annoying). As I acknowledged my need for Him, He revealed His love for me. Like He has done so so so many times before.     

I am forgiven. I am still His. Hallelujah! 

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:8 & 9

But now, this is what the Lord says --

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine..."

- Isaiah 43:1 

 

Honest To BLOG!

My first blog. Oh, the JOY!

Right now it is 4:56 am. I am sitting in the lobby of my residence hall. 

Yes, I get paid to sit on my bum every Saturday morning from 2 am - 7 am and sign people into the building that don't live here. 

Reflections on the week.

Work, work, work. SO busy. My professor's wife had a baby! YAYA! For the most part the weather has been BEAUTIFUL! Sunday was a wonderful day. Church. Brunch. Point Gratiot. Proctoring. E-Board Meeting. More Proctoring...

Point Gratiot was definitely the highlight of my day. The weather was warm and the sun was shining. A large group of my friends/acquaintances mostly from IVCF headed to the point for some fun fun times. It was nice to be outside, walking in the sand...I found a spot on the beach away from the group and claimed it as my own. I sketched, took photos, wrote and just embraced the time to myself in the beautiful outdoors. It ruled. 

"Sunshine. We all see, the same sky.

Looking. Learning. Asking the same 'why?'.

Sunshine. We all see, the same sky."

- Belle & Sebastian